just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
