She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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