Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
