Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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