your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
