you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
