Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
