I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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