I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think people are normalizing furries
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
