I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
