If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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