she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
