I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
