saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
