I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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