Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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