i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
