When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
