Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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