My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she smelled like a LAN party
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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