Say something about gay babies.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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