It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
