; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
