Well douche your snatch and let's go!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
