WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
