Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
