When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Mom said you looked used
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
