FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
