oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
