Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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