apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
