You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
