the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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