remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
