Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
