how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
