I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
