this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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