So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
