ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am naked and annoyed.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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