He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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