so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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