he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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