i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
wow bdsm is so cute
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
