lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
