highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
