I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
