that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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