fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
