i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
