we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
