Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
